Sept 11 - Day 3

 I woke up and felt wonderfully refreshed. I woke up once about two hours after I went to bed and took another 0.5 mg of Ativan and that did the trick. Oh sweet sleep.

Today is quite pretty although a little cool. And if the weather forecast is correct, we won't see the sun again so we are appreciating it. We took a hike to the top of the mountain overlooking Passau and enjoyed the beautiful views. Hiked down and went into the town for a bit, wandering around. Stopped and had beer, coffee and some local desserts. Such fun and everything I love about Europe. 

I'm now on the boat and we are headed to Linz. The trip to Linz was interesting. We traveled through quite a few locks. I am struggling to understand the theories behind this phenomenon that allows larger ship to navigate the changing depths in water. When we arrived in Linz, the weather was still nice. We had dinner together at a little less of a din than the night before. After dinner, we headed into the city to explore. Linz is a lovely town and the walk was wonderful. We are all trying to enjoy it as this is the last day we are supposed to have where it is not raining. 

Somewhere between coming back to the boat and bedtime, I started to melt. I think I was focusing on the amount of alcohol Erika was consuming but I don't think that was it at all although that does usually push me out of my comfort zone. I started to spin and could tell that I was losing it. Erika was drinking and talking to people at the bar and I headed to bed. Couldn't stop my mind from spinning and things just got more and more negative. Here I go again. Hating everything and wanting to die and just wanting to go home. I couldn't sleep. Got up and went to the back of the boat and sat outside for a while and trying to breathe deep and think about anything positive. Couldn't do it. Just wanted to die. Feeling really rough. Finally took another 0.5 mg of Ativan and went to bed and was able to go to sleep. 

My mental cliffs continue to be steep and I fall off randomly without much warning. I've having trouble navigating the unknowns of this trip including the horrible weather.