Sept 12 - Day 4

 We all got up and did yoga this morning. That felt nice although I'm still struggling with the mental fallout from last night. I am doing a little better. Had breakfast, showered and barely got on the bus in time for our trip to Cesky Kremlov. I was hurrying too fast and didn't pick up my earpiece and lanyard to be able to listen to our tour guide. But I didn't care very much.

The drive was beautiful although it is in the 40's and raining, just as promised. We drove about an hour and a half and arrived at the most beautiful little village with a castle and a river running through it. We had another tour guide for the tour through the town. We wandered through the town with him telling us about history and the shops. I missed much of it without the earpiece but I wasn't sure I cared. It was so cold but fortunately, the rain stopped while we were touring through the village. After the tour, we went and had a very traditional lunch at a restaurant in the town. It was wonderful food. We wandered around a bit after that, including buying a ticket and going to the top of the castle. Just a storybook experience, minus the cold. 

Got back on the bus and headed back a different way. All of us were so tired, we fell asleep almost immediately. The bus stopped once about a half hour out of Linz and we had a quick coffee. Back on the bus and back on the ship. 

Erika and I hung out in the room for a while and talked. I really was able to cry and tell her how confused, scared, lost and angry I feel much of the time. She was wonderful, as always. It helped both of us. We haven't spent much time together and I think we just needed to talk. She worries how to give me space when she can tell I'm suffering and irritated and I told her it is hard to tell her what I need when I don't know myself. Explaining my pattern of falling of this mental cliff over and over, she said she thinks that is what reinvention feels like. In any case, I think I felt some relief from the pressure volcano inside me. I want so bad to be different than I am sometimes. I don't want to be the person struggling but for right now, this is how it is. 

Later, the four of us went upstairs and played Taboo for a bit and then had dinner on the ship. This is our third dinner here and much of the food is quite good and much of it isn't very good at all. 

I'm eating so much that I keep telling myself that I need to stop but I don't. I'm eating tons of desserts and all that goes with it and just generally so much food. Ugh. I don't want to gain weight but I don't know how that can be avoided, especially since exercising is almost impossible in all this rain. 

Trivia was happening in the Panorama Lounge tonight but I opted out pretty quick. I'm tired and ready to go to bed. Not sure River Cruises are my thing. But I know it would be an entirely different experience if the weather was decent. Not to be this time and I'll be glad to go home.